In Sickness and in Health

I'm finally getting over the yuckiness that almost ended up as pneumonia. I rarely go to the doctor when I'm sick because I can always work through it, rest up, and get better. But this time, I knew something was wrong. I was coughing so hard, I think I cracked a rib or two, I couldn't breathe, and I was hearing strange noises coming from my lungs, so I knew I needed to make an appointment. The doctor said I almost waited too late because it was turning into pneumonia. Sooo... with antibiotics, cough medicine and an inhaler, I'm on the mend. Feeling much better today and I even have most of my voice back!!

A friend of mine chose to use my illness the other day as proof that God doesn't listen. She said that because I prayed and prayed (in between coughing and crying from the pain) and still had to go to the doctor anyway. When things like that happen, it doesn't make me believe that God wasn't listening. It makes me believe that God had another plan for me. I needed to slow down, touch base again with someone here on earth who takes good care of me, and stop being so afraid to go to the doctor when I need to. I think that if God was ignoring my prayers, He wouldn't have helped me to decide to go get help, and the sickness would have gotten so much worse. So, I do believe God heard me and answered me. It's frustrating when people who don't believe take moments like that and try to "win" their case that way.

Each day is a new day that I'm thankful for. All of the struggles, all of the joys, everything - I'm thankful for it. I'm not saying that I don't get angry or frustrated sometimes if things don't go the way I'd planned, but I know that God never promised that our lives were going to be perfect and easy all the time. There are things that really test my faith and times and I just don't feel very Christian-like. I just have to remember that none of us are perfect, we're all flawed, and God loves us anyway. We just have to take baby steps and admit when we've done something wrong, try to make amends, and work hard on NOT doing it again. That's where I have the problem, usually! :P

But... today is a gorgeous sunny day and I'm glad to be alive. May all that I do today glorify Him. :o)

Lead and I'll Follow

Sometimes it is extremely difficult to make a decision even though you know deep down what the decision should be. I'm at that point right now. Torn between doing what I feel obligated to do, and doing what is in my heart. Truth is, at the end of the day, my heart is hurting more than my feet, or my back, or my head. My heart isn't in this anymore. I can't pinpoint why. There is something missing, a link that isn't there, and I just can't seem to reach these children. I cannot do a job if my heart isn't in it, and that's pretty much the bottom line.

I know that whatever happens next is in God's hands. If I've taken a step away from the road I should be on, I pray He will lead me back to where I need to be. If I have yet to start on the correct path, I pray that our Lord will guide me there.

Frustration Comes So Easily

Whether it's because of lack of proper sleep or because I spend too much time crawling around on my knees picking up toys, or picking up kids all day long, I'm exhausted, my body hurts, and my patience is not what it should be.

I tried to pray the rosary today while the children were napping, but I couldn't keep my thoughts focused. My anxiety was getting the better of me. I waited until I got home to finish (or rather start over) because there's no point in saying the rosary without putting your heart into it.

I don't know what I'm going to do at this point. I feel like I need time just to get my body back in order because it seems like every day something else stops working properly or there's a new pain that wasn't there the day before. I don't want to seem like a hypochondriac. The pain is real. Carpal tunnel in my right arm keeps me up all night with the tingling and burning. The slightest stuff these days just depletes my energy. I don't know why. Like I said, I need to get myself together.

Heavenly Father, help me to remember to offer up my suffering instead of feeling sorry for myself and all of my aches and pains. Amen.