Toxic People

I have been so out of sorts lately and I know that it's because my brother was once again released from jail without really having to pay for what he's done. A week and a half is a slap on the wrist, considering. This is what always happens -- he commits crimes with no sense of remorse, he gets picked up and then gets a slap on the wrist while people scramble to get him out of trouble again. As soon as he gets out, he's right back up to no good again even though people around him swear they aren't going to let that pattern continue. They do it every time. Tough love flew out the window years ago, and now he's grown into a "man" (I use that term loosely) who makes horrible choices and has seemingly little to no consequences for his actions.

I get so tired of hearing about him, period. I have prayed over it time and time again, but he just feels like such a toxin in my life. I know that I'm wrong in holding on to this anger and resentment, but I can't seem to release it and it frustrates me to no end! Anger over him and his life does me no good. In fact, it's detrimental to everything I'm trying to accomplish, all the ways I'm trying to change myself and my life for the better. So why do I still hold that anger? Why is it so hard to let go of?

Forgiveness is a conscious act. It isn't something that just magically happens. And I have forgiven him for what he has done in the past as far as ruining family gatherings, driving a huge wall between my relationship with my mother for several years (to the point of us fighting constantly and me not being able to trust her anymore), and everything else that he'd done. But when is enough, enough? Do I ever get to say, "OK, that's it - not forgiving you anymore, pal"? No, I don't think that in God's eyes, I can ever forgive enough. But it's hard and at this point almost impossible.

I'll keep praying on it...